Our next Halloween Horrors contributor is Mat Herndon, one of the first friends I made through this site, and a contributor to this series since 2016. I’ve always considered Mat to be a very welcomed addition to our annual line-up of contributors, and this year is no different. 

As Laurie Strode once said, “Halloween night, it’s when people play tricks on each other.” Well, I guess you can say that today’s film of discussion is about tricks, or someone having a trick played on them. Granted, I do think Laurie was speaking more of people jumping out of bushes or kids TP’ing trees and houses, and less about abduction, amputation, and skin grafting, but hey… kids will be kids or something like that.

One can also argue that the “trick” on display in this example is misdirection. In this case, the misdirection caused when someone does something completely different than what is expected. I’ll let Mat speak more about that.

 

Welcome to the completely non-existent horror podcast Mat Digs Freakish Flicks. As usual, today we are bringing you one of the most offbeat and quirky motion pictures we can get our juicy eyeballs on. Get ready to wade through the sea cow infested waters of cinema as we take a deep dive into Kevin Smith’s twisted body-horror-comedy Tusk. The movie has been out for ten years, but in case you somehow dodged this bizarre cinematic experience, fair warning – massive spoilers ahead!

If your eyes haven’t feasted on the freakish genius that is Tusk, grab your favorite beverage, get cozy, and prepare for one wild ride. If you’re familiar with Kevin Smith’s previous work, prepare to have your expectations obliterated. You might just anticipate his usual stoner comedy shenanigans. You’d be almost entirely wrong as he took the sharpest left turn possible into the utterly insane world of body horror.

Let me set the stage for you. Imagine seeking out some content for your eccentric podcast and becoming something of an oddity yourself. Justin Long plays the uber sarcastic and self-absorbed Wallace Bryton. Wallace is a co-host of the “pun fully intended” podcast “The Not-See Party.” Wallace and his friend Teddy (played by Haley Joel Osment) spend their time ridiculing and mocking people, but when Wallace’s next potential guest dies unexpectedly, he scrambles to find a replacement and seemingly strikes gold when he stumbles onto Howard Howe (played by Michael Parks) – a super weird old man with stories about his life at sea.

Howe claims that during his time at sea, a walrus saved his life. In fact, he spent six months living with this walrus, which he describes as the best relationship he’s ever had–human or otherwise. Wallace is fully captivated with his story, drinking in every word (while also literally drinking a beverage Howe gave him). As Howe finishes his little tale, Wallace begins to feel dizzy, and eventually blacks out completely.

When Wallace comes to, he is told by Howard that he was bit by a spider the night before and a doctor was called to the house. Wallace quickly realizes that something way more sinister has happened; his leg has been amputated. Cue the freak out! Howe explains “the doctor” had to remove his leg entirely to save him from the fast-moving venom, but it’s swiftly revealed that Howe’s true intentions are pretty sinister. He wants to transform Wallace into a walrus in an attempt to recreate the relationship he had with the animal that saved his life all those years ago.

At this point Wallace’s nightmare is just beginning. He’s trapped in some deranged Canadian’s house, missing a leg, and this sea cow obsessed madman plans on turning him into a walrus–into a literal walrus!

Wallace desperately leaves voicemails to his girlfriend and Teddy, giving them all the details of the insane events that have unfolded. However, before they can help, Howe catches him in the act and knocks him out cold. When he wakes up, the transformation is complete. His legs are gone, he’s been surgically fitted with tusks, and his body has been grotesquely stitched together to look like a deformed sea creature.

The film builds to its insane climax when Wallace, now a full-on walrus, is forced to fight Howe (who, in a nutty twist, is wearing a walrus suit) to the death. Fueled by rage, fear, and animalistic instinct, Wallace impales Howe with his tusks, in a bittersweet victory… but let’s be honest. He’s a stitched-up walrus-human hybrid, so victory is definitely a stretch. The final shot of the movie leaves us with Wallace’s girlfriend and Teddy staring at him with pity and sorrow.

You could make the argument that Kevin Smith was making a statement about Wallace’s lack of humanity becoming literal. After all the time making fun of people on his podcast, he became the very thing he was mocking. Or you could just say Smith just wanted to mess with us all and make the nuttiest movie possible. Either way, he succeeded.

Mat gives it five freaky eyeballs out of five.