Oops! You’re A Vampire is an low-budget, independently produced 2022 vampire film with darkly comedic elements written and directed by filmmaker (and Discovery Asia documentary editor) Phil Messerer.

Okay, so that’s not 100% true. In actuality, Oops! You’re A Vampire is a retitled re-release of Messerer’s 2008 film Thicker Than Water: The Vampire Dairies Part 1, which won multiple awards at film fests such as the B-Movie Film Festival, The Indie Gathering International Film Festival, and more. It’s worth noting that the film took three years to complete, which demonstrates a higher level of determination and dedication on Messerer’s behalf than I’ll ever have.

The film opens with a monologue about the Mayans and the blood sacrifices offered to their Sun god, while still images of a Mayan temple that look like they were lifted straight from old history books are displayed. This narration will continue sporadically throughout the film. However, the speech adds little of true importance to the story, somewhat mildly disrupting the film’s pacing. (There is some reason to believe that this aspect may have been expanded upon had the 2nd and 3rd entries in Messerer’s planned trilogy been completed.)

Meet Lara Baxter (Eilis Cahill, who also appeared in 2010’s Stakeland), your average teenaged wannabe-Goth. She dresses in all black, practices Wicca and black magic without much real knowledge of the subject, and is a fan of Anne Rice. I guess that makes her the “real deal” just like Evander Holyfield. (Sarcasm heavily implied.) However, Lara’s most prevalent trait would appear that she’s just generally an angsty, moody, immature bitch to all parties, particularly her family members.

This includes her devoutly religious mother (JoJo Hristova), her closeted homosexual med student brother (Michael Strelow – 2017’s Megan Leavey, 2022’s Marlowe), and her father, who appears in the film long enough to inform the family that he and his wife are splitting and that he’s moving away. However, Lara saves most of her spite and venom for her twin sister, Helen (Devon Dionne). Despite being twins, the differences between the sisters is quite pronounced. Helen is popular, good at school, and performs in the church choir. Basically, everything that Lara tries to convince herself that she can’t stand about society. For me, this sequence only demonstrates that Lara’s family are just as odd and peculiar as she is, if not more so.

As if we needed more verification that Lara is “dark and brooding”, we get to watch her hanging out at the local cemetery during the opening credits. This is accompanied by a somewhat sludgy hard rock track that sounds like it came from 1999. That’s not a “diss” though. Seemingly shot on video, the film often looks and feels akin to the Tempe Video releases that you may have rented from Hollywood Video during the late 90’s/early 2000’s, so the song (as well as a few others) feels quite at home here. The same can’t be said about some of the other music featured in the film as a few pieces feel somewhat inappropriate to the film’s overall tone, or even the tone of a particular scene.

One evening, in a fit of jealousy and pettiness, Lara performs a ritual which she hopes will kill her sister. However, Lara’s true colors are revealed when Helen awakens the next morning with a massive nosebleed that results in her death. The family is given little to no chance to grieve before Helen returns home later that same evening, now covered in blood. Somehow, Helen has become a vampire, admitting to killing and drinking the blood of a mortician, although she claims to have done so due to her newfound hunger overpowering her self-control.

As a God-fearing young woman, Helen refuses to hunt down prey, only giving in to her bloodlust when the hunger can no longer be controlled. This leaves the task of finding suitable victims up to her family, who agree to the grim task only out of love and familial obligation. As the film progresses, we witness the mental and emotional tolls that this task takes on all of them, with each unravelling and devolving in their own extreme ways.

Eventually, the plot starts to head in few new directions, although some of these ideas aren’t explored very deeply, if at all. Truthfully, this may be for the best as some of these elements don’t add much of value to the overall plot, and may detract from the story’s familial focus, which is by far the film’s strongest feature. One particular example is brother Raymond’s evolution (devolution?) into a Dahmer-like serial killer. While this approach is occasionally used more for shock and schlock purposes (paying tribute to the film’s B-movie asthetics), there is some disappointment that this angle isn’t developed further and taken a little more seriously. That said, doing so may have convoluted the film, but I can’t help but feel that this story idea would have made for its own highly compelling film.

As mentioned in the opening of this review, Oops! You’re A Vampire has a darkly comedic vibe throughout, with more than a few brief scenes completely veering heavily in that direction. In my opinion, quite a few of these moments don’t work particularly well, but thankfully aren’t obnoxious or intrusive enough to truly derail the film. One particular sequence involving a fairly prissy, (somewhat) man-hating neighbor is a rather welcome addition, as is another featuring a couple of Mormons who pay the family a visit in order to “spread the good word.”

However, it’s in the more dramatic moments that the film and its performances really start to shine. Cahill often makes “Lara” seem quite juvenile and unlikable, with her character often saying things that sound eye-rolling contrived, but yet highly believable coming from this character. Dionne also does a respectable job of making us sympathetic for Helen, and displays some interesting contortionist skills in her more vampiric moments (which is a refreshing change of pace from the CG effects that many directors would have used). However, it’s Hristova who comes closest to stealing the film with a deeply emotional performance as the distraught mother who only wants to help her child.

Overall, Oops! You’re A Vampire is far from what I would call a “perfect film”. Then again, I probably wouldn’t say that about any film as “perfection” is something that I just don’t believe exists. There is something of an “identity crisis” on display as the film occasionally seems uncertain of which direction to take or which moments to emphasize. There also seems to be some struggle with keeping an even tone throughout as the comedic aspects of the film (and there are many) just aren’t as strong as the more emotional aspects.

While I can’t say that I loved the film, I must admit that I found Oops! You’re A Vampire to be a rather pleasant surprise. While most certainly not a film that I would recommend to all horror fans, the more dedicated and adventurous film fan may want to give this one a shot. There are truly standout moments to be found within, but I must admit that I wonder just how special things could have been if the film had more of a consistent tone throughout. If so, I truly believe many more fans would be aware of and talking about this film, and you wouldn’t be potentially learning about it from me.

Oops! You’re A Vampire is now available to watch free on Tubi and Amazon Prime. If you enjoy the film, be sure to check out the film’s Facebook page (link) for loads of behind-the-scenes/production photos and notes.