Welcome back! Let’s continue with our look at Season Two of Tales from the Darkside.

  • Season 2, Episode 4: “Parlour Floor Front” – Original Airdate: October 20th, 1985
  • Directed by Richard Friedman (Doom Asylum, Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge) – Written by Carole Lucia Satrina, who also penned screen adaptations of fairy tales for Cannon Film Group in the late 1980s.
  • Starring Adolph Caeser (A Soldier’s Story, trailer narrator for films such as Blacula, Dawn of the Dead, and Day of the Dead), Donna Bullock (who appeared on “Dallas”, “Murder, She Wrote”, “Matlock”, and “Frasier”), and Rosetta LeNoire .

A young couple purchase a rundown apartment building with the hopes of remodeling it into their new dream home. The only problem, and one which seems pertinent enough to have been addressed prior to signing any contracts, is that the building still has a tenant; an older gentleman named Mars (Caeser). As Mars has resided within the building for the last 40-plus years, the couple can not rightfully evict him, nor can they raise his rent. The wife, Linda (Bullock), is anxious to get the old man out and frequently complains quite loudly about the fact, even blatantly telling Mars to just leave.

A generally kind-hearted man, Mars isn’t indifferent to the couple’s predicament, stating that he would leave if he could find a place that he could afford. Granted, he’s never once shown looking for a new home, but that’s beside the point. To make the arrangement more amenable to the couple, Mars offers to do various tasks around the building. Husband Doug (John Calonius, who appeared in director Friedman’s 1984 debut Death Mask… and seemingly nothing else) agrees to the deal, but Linda is far from thrilled about the idea. Her desire to have the place to themselves has turned into a venomous hatred for the old man, even if he has really caused little harm.

Eavesdropping one evening, the couple discovers that Mars is a practitioner of the black arts; using voodoo-like rituals and incantations to help his friends and neighbors, generally with minor things such as love spells, and only accepting payment in gold. However, he refuses to perform any “magic” that will bring others harm. However, after an incident in which Linda accuses him of deliberately breaking a valuable vase, Mars can keep his “talents” a secret no longer, summoning a curse upon the one actually responsible for the damage.

As one might expect, this leads to a series of accidents and misfortunes occurring around the house, such as Doug breaking his wrist, the cat mysteriously dying, and Linda both banging her thumb with a hammer and falling off of a (albeit short) ladder. However, Linda soon informs Doug that the fall has led to the miscarriage of a fetus that she had only “suspected” being pregnant with. She confronts Mars about all that has befallen the couple, and the man is indeed deeply remorseful for his actions. In exchange for calling off the curse, Linda throws her gold wedding ring at the man, leaving Mars with no choice but to reluctantly accept. 

Mars does indeed feel guilt for the pain and misfortune he has wrought. Enough so that he commits suicide, hanging himself in his small apartment. LeNoire, best known by many as “Mother Winslow” on  TV’s “Family Matters“, appears as Mars’s grief-stricken sister, informing Doug that her brother must be buried with his collection of gold jewelry and trinkets as they are now tainted with the evil from Mars’s black magic dealings. Of course, within this collection is Linda’s wedding ring, which her husband believes to be in Mars’s possession by mistake. Instinctively, he returns home and informs his wife.

Although Linda never truly believed in the power of Mars’s witchcraft, she knew that the old man did. Using this belief against him, Linda faked most of the “accidents” around the building, with the exception of her husband’s broken wrist. Yes, this does include murdering the cat. Even the pregnancy and miscarriage were a ruse carried out in the hopes that guilt would finally compel Mars to leave. Disgusted by the idea that her wedding ring may be buried with the man, she finally confesses all she has done. Appalled that his wife’s greed and deceit have caused the death of an innocent man, Doug leaves. This, however, only further motivates the now-broken woman to retrieve her ring, which she steals from Mars’s coffin, still resting in his apartment from a wake earlier that day.

Naturally, this proves to be another poor decision. Mars rises from the dead to retrieve what is rightfully his. And retrieve it he does, leaving Linda dead in his wake. How exactly she dies is a little unclear, but the options are either that she died of fright or that Mars murdered her, which seems unlikely given the character’s previous demeanor and actions. Either way, there’s something about this vagueness that makes the conclusion of the episode a little disappointing for me, especially considering that the set-up is really quite strong.

Bullock is pretty damned successful at making  “Linda” and her actions detestable, effectively decreasing the likelihood that viewers will sympathize with the woman even in what we are duped into believing are her darkest moments. As one of the episode’s two primary characters, if not indeed the main character (as the story does revolve around her actions), it seems a little disrespectful that the actress is not even listed in the episode’s opening credits. Meanwhile, Caeser’s “Mars” is easy to feel at least some sympathy for. However, this is possibly due more to the viewer’s disdain for Linda’s treatment of the character than it is for anything that Caeser actually brings to the role.

“Parlour Floor Front” may have a few oversights in its set-up, such as that whole occupancy thing, but these don’t affect the overall plot. As is, I do consider this to be a rather strong episode, and easily the most “horror”-minded of Season Two’s episodes up to this point. That, however, will quickly change.

 

 

  • Season 2, Episode 5: “Halloween Candy” – Original Airdate: October 27th, 1985
  • Directed by Tom Savini (only his 2nd directorial effort, after the first season’s “Inside the Closet”) – Written by Michael McDowell
  • Starring Roy Poole (Experiment in Terror, A Stranger Is Calling), Tim Choate (TV’s “The Bold and the Beautiful”, “Babylon 5“) 

Despite protests from his well-meaning son, grumpy old Mr. Killup (Poole) prepares to spend another Halloween night not answering the door for trick-or-treaters. He’s also prepared to chase off any little brats that plan retaliation by egging or TP’ing his house. To be fair, only the youngest of children would be intimidated by this miserable bastard, and it’s a safe bet that his old, decrepit ass won’t be chasing anyone. That said, the son still leaves his father some candy… “just in case”. Granted, this cheap son of a bitch only purchased enough Hershey Kisses to cover a small dish and, for whatever reason, two full-sized Snickers bars. It’s like he wants his father’s house to be vandalized!

The evening begins as one might expect. A few children ring the old man’s doorbell, only to be greeted by a few harsh words and no treats. One persistent child receives a bowlful of a concoction consisting of honey, Elmer’s glue, and mayonnaise that this spiteful curmudgeon gleefully calls “goblin candy”. However, trick-or-treating seems to wind down early in this neighborhood, and the evening continues on without any further interruptions. It’s so peaceful that Killup eventually falls asleep in his recliner.

Images of a monster’s face and the old man as a withered corpse quickly flash across the screen. It’s unclear if these are supposed to be Killup’s dreams, but they are most certainly a portent of later events. The moment is interrupted by more ringing at the doorbell. As he wakes, preparing to scold another child for bothering him, we hear Killup mention that it is now nearly midnight. As he reaches for the knob, the door opens of its own accord, revealing the creature that we witnessed in those previous “visions”. Of course, the man assumes this to be just another child, never questioning the highly elaborate costuming. After some brief pushing and shoving, the “child” is ran off, but not before grabbing a couple pieces of candy. Killup returns to his chair to watch TV, thinking little of the matter.

After some time, he notices that the last trick-or-treater dropped their sack before leaving. Granted, he notices because the sack has begun crawling across his living room floor. As he approaches it, cockroaches begin to pour out of the bag. Killup attempts to telephone his son for assistance, but repeatedly receives a recording of the local time*, even if he has yet to finish dialing the number. Flustered, he returns to his chair and seemingly passes out once more.

*If you remember calling phone numbers to hear recordings of your local area’s time and weather, congrats! You are probably now just as old as Mr. Killup!

After sleeping for what feels like hours, Killup awakens to find that it is only now midnight. He wanders to his kitchen, finding it overrun by the cockroaches; roaches are even bursting from the shells of the eggs in his fridge. From here, the creature starts popping up outside windows or talking to Killup through his TV set (which is when we finally learn the character’s name), generally tormenting the old man with a repeated mantra of “Treats or Tricks”! Killup eventually finds himself quite literally face-to-face with the creature again. There’s a struggle, and while it’s more than a little unclear whether the creature tosses Killup or he slips of his own accord, the end result is an elderly hitting his head on the floor and dying. The creature departs, leaving the body where it lie.

Killup’s son returns the following morning and discovers his deceased father, now the emaciated corpse shown earlier. Police are called, and surprisingly deem the death to be a case of “elderly neglect”, claiming that the elder Killup had apparently been subsiding off a diet of only candy for weeks. The episode ends with the son seemingly about to face charges for his father’s death.

Of Tales from the Darkside’s entire episode catalog, “Halloween Candy” is the episode I most clearly recall watching during my youth, quite possibly on its original airdate. The reason that this particular episode stands out is because it scared the ever-flowing shit out of me when I first watched it. While I readily admit to having been somewhat creeped out by the creature make-up/design as a child, I was more so disturbed by the repeated visage of this elderly man’s desiccated corpse. The episode presumably had a similar effect on many other young and impressionable viewers as the episode tends to be one of the more highly discussed in the series’ entire catalog. Then again, I’m sure being set on a Halloween night has a lot to do with this too. It’s fitting viewing for the season.

“Fitting” viewing, not “perfect” viewing.

Watching “Halloween Candy” now as an adult, more than a little slanted and jaded by viewing hundreds of horror films in the four decades since the episode’s original airing, I can’t help but notice all of the numerous flaws and shortcomings. Foremost, “Halloween Candy” is undeniably quite thin on plot, relying more on creepy visuals and “jump scares” (long before they were called such a thing) to move things along than truly effective storytelling or any real sense of tension. “Far too heavily”, some might say as some of these effects are displayed far too early, robbing the episode of what should rightfully be its biggest “shock” by essentially spoiling the lead character’s final fate.

What I find to be a more pressing matter, however, is that the character of “Killup”, while generally grumpy and cantankerous, really gives us little valid reason to truly loathe him. Instead, I felt sadness as the character’s negativity seemed heavily rooted in loneliness and depression, presumably due to grief from the loss of his wife, the isolation of living alone, or just from the realization that he’s on the back end of his life. Granted, his son does state that he’s always been this way, but given his present physical state, the man is really quite harmless. The fact that the character’s demise is attributed to neglect and starvation only highlights the character’s poor quality of life, and leaves me to wonder if there is some demon out there tormenting the forgotten elderly of America every Halloween night! Bubba Ho-Tep, is that you?

As is, “Halloween Candy” is still quite effectively creepy, even if it does share a few similarities to the “They’re Creeping Up On You” segment from Creepshow.  That said, I do consider it a vastly inferior Halloween episode than the series’ pilot, “Trick or Treat“. It’s also likely to appeal to many more horror fans than “Parlour Floor Front“, although I do consider that episode to have a more fleshed out story and superior acting.