After yet another long hiatus, we return to H&S’s reviews for each episode of Tales from the Darkside, resuming near the end of the series’ first season.

Season One – Episode 15: “Answer Me” (Original Airdate: Feb 17th, 1985)
Directed by Richard Friedman, Story by Michael McDowell (who wrote the screenplays for Beetlejuice and Thinner) and Dennis Schuetz. 

While staying at a friend’s apartment, an aging actress (Jean Marsh – Willow, The Changeling) is repeatedly disturbed from her slumber by the sound of a telephone ringing incessantly in the apartment next door, as well as by occasional banging sounds on the wall. Although this situation is understandably frustrating and annoying, the woman proceeds to spend the bulk of the episode bitching and complaining not only about the noises, but also about seemingly every other little pet peeve that she can think of.

When the ringing continues into the following day, she contacts the building’s superintendent but is informed that the apartment is empty. It had formerly been rented by an “English girl”, much like our lead, but that the woman had seemingly committed suicide sometime prior. Needing to know the reason for the constant racket, the woman decides to enter the apartment.

It’s debatable if an explanation for the events that transpire is truly given as what’s here is more than a little uncertain and open to multiple interpretations. Is this a reflection on the treatment of aging actresses? A case study demonstrating the effects of loneliness on the human psyche? Possibly a ghost story featuring a spirit unaware of its own demise? Or is it just a wacked story about a possessed telephone? Hell, who knows? It could just as easily be a bit of all these things as it could be none of the above.

What is certain, at least in this reviewer’s opinion, is that “Answer Me” is one of the more annoying episodes of the series and one that I’ll generally skip. Although Marsh gives a very solid performance, the character is rather unlikable and, while maybe not deserving of her fate (whatever it actually is), not someone many viewers will sympathize with. Sure, past incidents may have made her the way she is… or she’s just a bitch! Between her demeanor and that damned ringing phone, it doesn’t take long for this episode to grate on my nerves.

DIRECTOR TRIVIA: Friedman made his directorial debut with 1984’s Death Mask, starring Farley Granger. His later projects include Scared Stiff and Doom Asylum (both 1987), 1989’s Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge, and 2007’s Born, as well as episodes of “Friday the 13th: The Series”, “Monsters”, “Silk Stalkings”, and “Baywatch Nights”.

 

Season One, Episode 16: “The Tear Collector” (Original Airdate: Feb 24, 1985)
Written and Directed by John Drimmer

Suspiria‘s Jessica Harper stars as “Prudence”, an overly sad and empathetic woman who has a chance encounter with a seemingly wealthy gentleman (Victor Garber – Legally Blonde, TV’s “Alias”) who makes the bizarre offer of purchasing her tears… and boy, are there plenty! This entails her sitting in his office and crying her eyes out while he uses a small glass vial to collect the droplets. Odd as the arrangement may seem, Prudence agrees to keep seeing the man, thinking that he may hold the key to her happiness.

The man even shows Prudence the room housing his collection. Walls lined with shelves, each holding a multitude of bottle and vials. He claims to have been collecting these tears for ages, referencing a conquistador and the grieving mother of a fallen Civil War soldier as previous contributors. These remarks might bring into question whether or not this man is even human. However, Prudence now sees him as a definite love interest, so she can overlook such things.

This is Tales from the Darkside, after all, so things don’t go quite as Prudence may have hoped. That said, the episode still concludes with something of an optimistic resolution… which kinda bothers me. I can accept that not every episode of the series need be bleak and grim, but “The Tear Collector” just never feels remotely creepy or eerie, nor is there ever any real threat to our lead’s safety. If anything, the episode is more of a melancholy “romantic fantasy”.

Much like “Answer Me” before it, I’ve never been particularly fond of “The Tear Collector”. However, I’ve never found it as dreadfully annoying as “Answer Me”. That said, “The Tear Collector” feels somewhat out of place when compared with the first season’s other episodes, but I do believe that it also shows that the creators were trying to do more than just elicit scares.

Eric Bogosian (Talk Radio, “Law & Order: Criminal Intent”) makes a quick appearance as a homeless man.

Director Trivia: Working more as a writer and producer, the episode would serve as Drimmer’s directorial debut. Drimmer had previously provided the script for 1984’s Iceman. He would follow up this episode by writing and directing the 1986 Disney TV movie “Hero in the Family”, a film in which an astronaut accidentally switches brains with a chimp. 

 

Season One, Episode 17: “The Madness Room” (Original Airdate: May 5th, 1985)
Directed by John Hayes, Story by Thomas Epperson

Stuart Whitman, star of fantastic films such as Night of the Lepus, Ruby, and Demonoid, appears as a wealthy older man named “Edward”. One evening, he and his much younger wife, Cathy (Therese Pare, who starred in 1977’s Jail Bait Babysitter and not much else) receive a visit at their home from what I believe to be Edward’s accountant, although I’m not sure the relationship is ever truly explained. This man, Michael (Nick Benedict – The Pistol: The Birth of a Legend, “Days of Our Lives”), wishes to discuss some last-minute paperwork that needs to be signed by Edward.

As the two men wrap up their meeting and Michael prepares to leave, Cathy nonchalantly reveals a Ouija board and asks Michael to play with her. Michael initially declines, seemingly caught off-guard by the proposal. Having seen enough horror movies on the subject, I can’t say that I blame him. However, he gives in once Edward, his boss, says that he should “indulge” the woman. 

Cathy attempts to contact a spirit named Ben, the original owner of their stately manor. Via the Ouija, the spirit claims to still reside with “the madness room”; a room rumored to be located somewhere within the house, but sealed not long after Ben’s murder by his wife some 100 years prior. With clues provided by Ben, they soon uncover an old key and a blueprint of the home that had been hidden behind a fireplace brick, setting off a search for the hidden room.

The room is indeed found, leading to a series of freak-outs, fake-outs, and double-crossings before one final twist grounds the episode firmly in the realm of the supernatural. “The Madness Room” doesn’t rely on effects or monster make-up, instead presenting a well-paced and effectively eerie tale of deceit and comeuppance, be it worldly or otherworldly. Overall, it’s a really strong episode.

Director Trivia: While the episode’s writer, Thomas Epperson, has no other credits to their name, director John Hayes may be familiar to many genre film fans. Hayes’ other directorial credits include the William Smith/Michael Pataki starring Grave of the Vampire, 1972’s Garden of the Dead, and 1977 Christopher Lee clunker, End of the World.