We’ve now reached the mid-way point in the month, and the mid-way point in this year’s Halloween Horrors series. Hopefully, October has been treating you kindly, and you’ve had the time and opportunity to indulge in all of your Halloween season traditions, whatever they may be. 

Coincidentally, today’s Halloween Horrors 2024 post deals with the topic of traditions. However, these particular “traditions” are ones that you maybe shouldn’t indulge in, no matter the season. In fact, they’re quite illegal and probably more than a tad “evil”. Then again, I’m not sure that laws or morality are much of a concern when you’re dead. In which case, carry on.

Today’s entry in the series comes to us from Roger Braden, operator of the Valley Nightmares Facebook page and easily one of my favorite peeps. Like most of our contributors, this series has become something of a tradition for Roger; one that we hope he continues for years to come. That fact that his film of choice comes from one of my favorite filmmakers and was filmed in my home state doesn’t hurt matters either. 

 

 

“Two Thousand Maniacs“
By Roger Braden

 

Glad to be back for Horror And Sons’ Halloween Horrors series, and I hope you all enjoy my look at 1964’s Two Thousand Maniacs from the “Godfather of Gore”, Herschell Gordon Lewis.

My introduction to this film, and to H.G. Lewis, was in the pages of Fangoria magazine during the early 1980’s. I was intrigued by what I read and could hardly wait to see his films and discover what all the controversy was about, especially since the gore scenes looked so fake from the pictures I had seen. The VHS rental boom was in full force, so I headed to my local video store (which was called “Family Video”, but they had a huge Horror section and several binders full of porn to look through) to check out this film one afternoon because it had sounded the most interesting to me.

As the opening credits roll, we are treated to a little ditty by Chuck Scott and The Pleasant Valley Boys (although Chuck isn’t in the end credits) signing about how “the South is gonna rise again” while two good ol’ boys are setting up the most suspicious looking detour signs you’ve ever seen. Rufus and Lester manage to get two cars (with northern license plates) to follow the signs that lead to the small town of Pleasant Valley, which is celebrating its Centennial. The townsfolk are in the streets, thrilled as they arrive, waving Confederate flags and cheering. Mayor Buckman greets them and tells them that they are guests of honor for the big Centennial; “Everything is free! We ain’t taking no for an answer!”… and they are whisked away, while local stud, Harper, and his awesome rope belt carries one of the women off on his shoulder to the hotel.

What follows is hilarious fun as the town parties with the guests, all the while separating them so that they can kill them in some very unique ways. And while it’s all quite bright red bloody, the “gore” parts are basic and don’t remotely look real. One of the women gets her mannequin arm chopped off (her scene is the most disturbing because it’s a surprise when things turn bad), one of the dudes has his mannequin arms and legs torn off in a 4-way horse race, and so on. It’s actually funny as the mayor and the townsfolk have their guest do these ridiculous “traditions” to celebrate their Centennial. A barrel roll down a hill is spiky good fun, as is a variation of the “baseball throw” dunk tank that involves “old teetering rock”.

We’ve found out while this was all going on that Pleasant Valley, population 2,000, was a town that was wiped out by a band of renegade Yankees at the end of the Civil War. Now, 100 years later, they want their revenge. Thankfully, our final couple, a forced-to-hitchhike teacher (William Kerwin) and Playboy Playmate Connie Mason, have figured this out and plot their escape. Thanks to gullible little shit Billy, they are able to escape Pleasant Valley after a, ummm, car chase and ditch shithead Billy. When they arrive at the Sheriff’s, he doesn’t believe them, never heard of that town, makes them take a breath test, and then takes them to investigate. Of course, it’s all woods and weeds where they were at, even after finding a tire track! Then, the sheriff tells of a legend, the Pleasant Valley legend, and say “peculiar” about 20 times as they walk back to their cars.

The teacher and the Playmate get to the state line and stop. As he gets out to hitch some more, she tells him that he ain’t going nowhere, and they drive off a couple. In the woods, Rufus (“Rufe”, for most of the movie) and Lester have mixed feelings about their Centennial; they only went 4 for 6, but it sure was a good time, and they can hardly wait for the next one. As they walk away, they look back and holler for Harper, who had run into the ever-dreaded quicksand the last time we saw him. He rises out of the quicksand, tells the boys to wait up, and off they go.

Why I love “Two Thousand Maniacs!“: 

  • I always got 3-day rentals back because of time issues, and I might want to watch the movie again. I think 2,000 Maniacs got watched 5 or 6 times. The third time, I made my Dad watch it with me, he laughed a few times, and asked, “Where in the Hell did you find that?!” He was watching it the next day when I got home.
  • Over the years, I’ve come to call this “Twisted Andy Griffith”. Andy could be the lead, Slim Pickens as the Mayor, Fess Parker as “Harper”, Gomer & Goober…
  • How stoned was Connie Mason?
  • The town of St. Cloud, Florida turned their town over to this crazy filmmaker and let him tell his ghost/revenge story in his way. And it looks like they had a blast being a part of it. 
  • The Pleasant Valley Boys kick ass.

This is a fun one to have playing in the background at your Halloween party or for just getting in another watch. Happy Halloween, everyone!