So far, this year’s Halloween Horrors series has taken us back to the 1980s a few times, where we’ve encountered toxic hooch, pissed-off mummies, and teenage zombies. Today’s entry takes us back to that decade once more, this time to discuss a film that is very much a product of its era. We now travel back to a time when people willingly and happily paid money to make phone calls to hear recorded messages from crackpot psychics, cartoon characters, or even a certain highly-popular cinematic boogeyman. (We’ll save the topic of phone sex for another article.)

How fitting was it that when a film based on the concept of these “hotlines” came to fruition, that the man directing it would be the same man behind the make-up of that cinematic boogeyman? Then again, I’m not sure that the psychics or cartoon characters had much film experience. That movie is 1988’s 976-Evil, and it’s today’s topic of discussion. 

Today’s feature comes to us from returning contributor Derrick Kinnison. Derrick has been a contributor to this series since 2016, and is always one of the first people to contact me each year to ask if the series will be returning. After missing the last two years, I was thrilled to be able to tell him “yes” this year. It’s the support of people like Derrick and his wife, fellow series contributor Michelle Kinnison, that make this series such a success each year.

 

 

976-Evil

“Out of the darkness and into the light, comes your Horrorscope, on this dark and stormy night. Push 666 for your horror scope… now.”

1988 had a slew of many great horror movies, such as The Serpent and the Rainbow, The Blob, Pumpkinhead, Night of the Demons, Waxwork, Child’s Play, and the list can literally go on with more great titles. but there is one in particular that has always stood out to me and one that seems like it became forgotten: Robert Englund’s directorial debut, 976-Evil.

Stephen Geoffreys, who we all knew as “Evil Ed” from Fright Night, went on to do another fantastic horror installment where he played a character by the name of “Hoax”; a young high school student just trying to survive, avoiding the bullies when he could, and hopelessly worshiping his cousin, Spike. Meanwhile, he lives with his overly protective mother, in a household ruled by God, and a stupid parrot that tells Hoax over and over: “Not on the couch. Not on the couch.” Overall, Hoax’s life is pretty sad and quite pathetic. So, anytime he can, he spies on his cousin Spike or do things he’s not supposed to, like looking at naked women in the National Geographic magazine… anything to remind him less and less of just how pathetic his own life is. If that wasn’t enough… possibly the most outlandish scene in the film, and I think we all know which one, is the raining of “God’s Fishies!” The most laughable part of the movie, but again, this was the 80’s and we all let it roll. It may not have made sense, but who cares, because it’s scenes like this that make 80’s horror so great!

And let’s not forget about the way the phone rings. This, in part, is just another product of great horror in the 80’s, doing its best to try and terrify you by receiving a phone call, much like what Psycho did when taking a shower. Let’s face it, it’s not going to be comparable to Psycho and the effect the shower scene had, but, back then, if someone was to suddenly receive a phone call and their phone sounded like that, one might question who was on the other end.

Spike originally came across the number and called a few times, benefiting from what the Horrorscope told him. However, when it instructed him to steal from someone he knew quite well, that was the end for Spike, and he wanted nothing more to do with 976-Evil.

In comes Hoax.

Hoax eventually comes across the 976-Evil advertisement. For, let’s say “shits and giggles”, Hoax gives this number a call and right away finds it quite ridiculous, but eventually comes around when the voice on the other end seems to know and appreciate him more than anyone else in his pathetic life. Calling the number very quickly becomes an addiction. In fact, he has called the number so much that his mother has taken notice, and therefore removes his phone privileges. This doesn’t last long and he soon takes back his phone, and in the process threatens his mother if she tries to interfere with his affairs. It is soon after this that he completes his calls and can now gain his prize.

It’s after this that Hoax turns into a demon. To his heart’s desire, he now has the power to pay back his bullies with every hellish desire from here on.

I’d have to say that one of my most favorite scenes in the film is after he has transitioned into the demon. He then goes to where his school bullies hang out at the local Horror Movie Marathon theatre (just one more reason why this movie is so great) and barges in on their card game. Two of the bullies then take him out of the room and figure they are able to give the ass beating they believe he deserves. . . but they don’t return. Instead, Hoax arrives back in the room and approaches the table. He then produces two, bloody, beating hearts and asks:

“Would it be possible. . . to enter the game with a pair of hearts?”

The remaining gang members begin to freak out and are ultimately fearful for their lives. It is then that Hoax, the demon, searches everyone out and pays back what is due for all the bullying they had done to him.

For me, this cheese-fest of a horror movie had everything it needed to be a film of the 80’s: a great story, intriguing effects, and most of all (at least for me,) one I could relate to when I was a kid, especially with Hoax. I think every horror fiend can relate with this character, whether it was at home or in school. I know (at least for me) that I wanted to randomly come across a 976-Evil card and begin my journey to the “Caverns of the unknown”, hearing the “Master of the dark” and “The guide to your destiny.” I had even once tried calling the 976-Evil number back in the early 90’s just to see what would happen, but instead I had found that on the other end of the phone line there was a sexy voice asking me if I wanted to have a good time! Laugh out loud! Immediately, I hung up the phone just as quickly as I had made the decision to dial the number. I was obviously disappointed that I didn’t get to hear my Horrorscope spoken to me by the Master of the Dark himself and later claim my prize.

Later in ‘92, it was followed up with a sequel. Although not as good as the first movie, it’s worth at least one watch. Patrick O’Bryan who played “Spike”, the cousin of Hoax in the first installment, reprises his role again. fighting the forces of evil, starring alongside the beautiful Brigitte Nielsen.

Anyway, it was around Halloween that I initially discovered this movie when I was able to catch it on a late night showing of USA’s “UP ALL NIGHT!”, hosted by the infamous and very beautiful Rhonda Shear! It was after watching this movie that it instantly became added as another favorite of mine and, even to this day, I watch it throughout the year, especially around Halloween.

So, if there is anyone who has not seen this classic 1988 movie (which I’m sure most have, but you never know), do what you can to see it. I know I wasn’t disappointed with it, but I rarely am when it comes to horror. So, grab up some popcorn and your favorite beverage, tuck in, and let this cheese-fest of a great horror movie entertain you!