I’m willing to bet that many of you reading this have your own yearly Halloween/October movie “watch list”. For some, it’s perennial favorites that they feel compelled to revisit once Spooky Season approaches. Others may be feeling more experimental, choosing to instead catch up on scary films that they may have previously missed. Some, like me, tend to hover somewhere in between. Even then, you’ll regularly find the one item in your treat bag of movies that’s the cinematic equivalent of being given raisins. No kid wants raisins.

Sean Mitus makes his Halloween Horrors debut today. He’s here to tell you about the time he got raisins. Like a few other contributors to this year’s series, Sean has previously contributed to BAndSAboutMovies.com and the Drive-In Asylum fanzine. He’s also watched enough films to know that much like trick or treating, the search for new treats is sometimes better than the treat itself, and that for every box of raisins, you’re sure to find one full-sized Snickers… or whatever your preferred candy of choice is.

Bryan Loves You (2008)

Directed by Seth Landau (2008)

I grew up in broadcast range of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania television stations.  As a Gen X/Monster Kid, I was a fan of Pittsburgh’s version of “Chiller Theater” hosted by William “Chilly Billy” Cardille.  Chiller Theater was so popular in the Pittsburgh area with its double feature format that followed the late news, that Saturday Night Live was not broadcast on WICC Channel 11 for the first four seasons.  I also watched many of the creature features and sci fi/kaiju features on Pittsburgh UHF stations.  My mother and I didn’t have cable or a VCR until after my college years, so broadcast TV was the only option for me growing up.

Beginning in 1999, I became a DVD collector. In 2009, I became a Blu-Ray collector (first discs for both was The Matrix).  I ravenously searched out websites for information on existing and upcoming releases.  Early favorites were DVD Angle (gone), DVD Journal (gone), and DVD Drive-In (active), which led me to my first drive-in revival, 2014’s April Ghouls Drive-In Monster-Rama.  There, I met Bill Van Ryn and bought his first issue of Drive-In Asylum and found his Groovy Doom blog. Through Drive-In Asylum, I was introduced to Dustin and Horror and Sons.

I wanted to watch something for the first time for my first-ever submission to Halloween Horrors.  Moreso, I wanted to watch a Blu‑ray that I received at a disc exchange at April Ghouls 2023 from my friend, Sam Panico of B & S About Movies, titled Bryan Loves You, which was written/produced/directed by Seth Landau and released in 2008.  As a sucker for a good cover, I was drawn to this disc, especially the Joblo.com pull quote “Shades of A Clockwork Orange”, one of my all-time favorite movies.

I have only one rule in watching any movie; that it is not boring.  It may be bad – whether in plot or narrative style or in filmmaking execution.  As long as it is entertaining or has some interesting effects, scenes, etc., I will go along.  Many films I see are good for one viewing and some hold up on repeat viewings.  The ultimate compliment is that I desire to own a physical copy of the movie.

One style of film that I do not like for multiple reasons are found footage films.  Yes, in the digital age it offers a cheap alternative for filmmakers.  However, it often leads to forced narrative choices.  On the negative side, the capture of the video can itself be a bit preposterous.  Would you really concentrate on capturing video when being chased by giant monsters or zombies (examples are Diary of the Dead and Cloverfield). On the positive side, it is perfectly suited when the story follows documentary filmmakers (examples are Cannibal Holocaust or Man Bites Dog).  Another limitation is loss of characterization in favor of plot.

Unfortunately, my fears were proven right in Bryan Loves You.  It had weak characterization and lack of pacing.  We follow Bryan and friends along as he suspects that a local Arizona cult is more insidious than most believe.  The few scenes demonstrating the strangeness or evilness of the cult are captured from security cameras or the personal cameras of Bryan and his friends, who just luckily have the equipment. However, I find it amazing that we are to believe that the US government recovered and assembled all the footage in an attempt to tell a coherent story.  Maybe a wraparound story like in Cannibal Holocaust would have helped.

Worse, the wasted potential of actors like George Wendt in an odd character role and Tony Todd, used only for the intro.  Wendt is in a single extremely odd scene, and Todd warns how extreme the footage is and how “hardened professionals have taken a few times to get all the way from the footage”.  The first third of the movie does attempt to tell a story. However, these early scenes do not succeed in scaring or building much tension. Some scenes just don’t make sense of the source of the found footage. Why would the Cult of Bryan film themselves interrogating an outsider?

The film really bogs down in the middle when Bryan is forcibly committed to a psychiatric hospital.  There are odd bits and pieces, but it doesn’t contribute to the mythmaking of the cult of Bryan. Interestingly, in an interview with actress Brinke Stevens on the disc, Landau reveals that the forced hospitalization was autobiographical. I think he wanted to draw upon that experience in the movie, but it belongs in a different movie. Ultimately, it makes Bryan Loves You more into “Jonathan Has a Really Bad Week”.

I’m sure this movie has its audience, but I’m not among them.  Here’s hoping your next first-time watch is a pleasant and entertaining one!